Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Pithy Words
And when I say pithy, I am using it as a verb, to wit: To sever or destroy the spinal cord of, usually by inserting a needle into the vertebral canal.
As an expectant daddy, there are phrases now that seem to have a similar effect on my central nervous system. Use those magic words, and my eyes glaze and it feels as though my brain has just died a messy death. Deer in the headlights would be an apt description, if somewhat less dramatic (well, not less dramatic for the deer).
What words can do this to a person? Let's try a few!
"Cloth or disposable diapers?" AAAhhh! Brain overload imminent, total shutdown underway! Ask this of someone with a 6 month old, and you will likely get a lengthy tirade about how cloth (or disposable) diapers are miracle cures for acne, and that using disposable (or cloth) will doom your child to the short bus.
We try to be intelligent rational beings about this. We do the research: Energy expenditures, cost analysis, landfill/decomposition rates, wastewater bacteria levels etc. Each, however gives a (marginally?) better result for cloth (or disposable) diapers! Factor in clotheslines and cloth get better, factor in delivery service, and disposables win, factor in time/effort, disposables win, factor in landfill and cloth wins. OK, rational apparently isn't going to help here, so you turn to the irrational- pseudo-science fear mongering, product marketing hype, double-coupons at Ralphs etc. etc. etc. I tell you, pithing starts to sound pretty darn attractive!! One thing I can guarantee your- the baby will poop, and it will be disposed of. Just don't ask me for specifics!
Let's try another one, shall we?
"What will you name her?" Pulse rate rising, vision blurring, ringing in ears.... As I posted earlier, we tried the rational thing, we've swung through the suburbs of irrationality ("No, my mother's great-aunt's sister had that name, so it's an old persons name"), and now we are starting to turn to the lyrical (first/middle name pairs that have a ring to them- not too helpful for tonedeaf daddy!). I'm sure she will have a name (though monkey is sounding pretty good right now!), as it's required to get a Social Security number, but we have 30 days after the birth before we have to fill out those forms, right?
Any others?
"Breast feeding"
"Co-sleeping"
"Regression to the mean"
And Many Many More!
These are the things that keep me awake at night, and make me so unproductive at work these last weeks of the countdown. The good news is, chimps and neanderthals raise children (though, neanderthals may be a bad example, what with extinction and all), so a couple of bright (and humble too!) adults with Master's degrees ought to do just fine. Right? Right? Please?
As an expectant daddy, there are phrases now that seem to have a similar effect on my central nervous system. Use those magic words, and my eyes glaze and it feels as though my brain has just died a messy death. Deer in the headlights would be an apt description, if somewhat less dramatic (well, not less dramatic for the deer).
What words can do this to a person? Let's try a few!
"Cloth or disposable diapers?" AAAhhh! Brain overload imminent, total shutdown underway! Ask this of someone with a 6 month old, and you will likely get a lengthy tirade about how cloth (or disposable) diapers are miracle cures for acne, and that using disposable (or cloth) will doom your child to the short bus.
We try to be intelligent rational beings about this. We do the research: Energy expenditures, cost analysis, landfill/decomposition rates, wastewater bacteria levels etc. Each, however gives a (marginally?) better result for cloth (or disposable) diapers! Factor in clotheslines and cloth get better, factor in delivery service, and disposables win, factor in time/effort, disposables win, factor in landfill and cloth wins. OK, rational apparently isn't going to help here, so you turn to the irrational- pseudo-science fear mongering, product marketing hype, double-coupons at Ralphs etc. etc. etc. I tell you, pithing starts to sound pretty darn attractive!! One thing I can guarantee your- the baby will poop, and it will be disposed of. Just don't ask me for specifics!
Let's try another one, shall we?
"What will you name her?" Pulse rate rising, vision blurring, ringing in ears.... As I posted earlier, we tried the rational thing, we've swung through the suburbs of irrationality ("No, my mother's great-aunt's sister had that name, so it's an old persons name"), and now we are starting to turn to the lyrical (first/middle name pairs that have a ring to them- not too helpful for tonedeaf daddy!). I'm sure she will have a name (though monkey is sounding pretty good right now!), as it's required to get a Social Security number, but we have 30 days after the birth before we have to fill out those forms, right?
Any others?
"Breast feeding"
"Co-sleeping"
"Regression to the mean"
And Many Many More!
These are the things that keep me awake at night, and make me so unproductive at work these last weeks of the countdown. The good news is, chimps and neanderthals raise children (though, neanderthals may be a bad example, what with extinction and all), so a couple of bright (and humble too!) adults with Master's degrees ought to do just fine. Right? Right? Please?
# posted by Richard @ 9:50 AM 
